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Stop the madness!!

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Viewing 14 posts - 1 through 14 (of 14 total)
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  • #613185
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    I don’t know about you all, but i need one, just one thread that gets me away from all the Madness of the gambling world!! lol..

    Its Monday morning, a new week in this business, and who KNOWS what that will bring this week?????? llollllll

    I need a laugh, start this week off laughing instead of crying!! lol

    So i am leaving everyone with a little joke, i hope puts a smile on your face, and STOPS THE MADNESS for a minute of two!

    WHY WAS THE SNOWMAN SMILING????

    CAUSE THE SNOWBLOWER WAS COMING!!!!!!! LOLLL

    HOW ABOUT ANYONE ELSE, Got a funny or two to share?

    Have a great week and keep your brain sane!

    Trips[/COLOR][/COLOR]

    #787253
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Thanks so much!
    I laughed my ass off :)

    #787263
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Hi all,

    I take first a moment to plead that we all make mistakes. That is human. What is stupid is to continue making them in an attempt to justify the first one.

    In this current climate which is likely to get worse before it gets better I plead that all feuding parties shelve their differences for the better of all concerned (yes even themselves). It is after all beside the fact we are facing dire times ……. the time of forgiving and thankfulness. Many who are feuding are in a position to afford their stubborness (be they right or wrong) .. I request for the sake of those of us who cannot weather an extended storm ….. you think of us before acting.

    now I owe you all a joke.

    the best one I have and many may have heard but will so again … is this :

    a dear old grandmother enters a pet store and buys a parrot.

    when home .. she asks would Polly want a cracker?

    the parrot replies … “f##k you.

    the dear old grandmother grabs the parrot by the neck and places it in the freezer.

    about 10 minute later she takes the parrot out of the freezer and says “lets try this again. Does Polly want a cracker?”.

    the parrot says “before I reply I’d like to know what that turkey did to piss you off?”.

    :)

    #787310
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    LOL,

    Renee, i am pleased you laughed your ass off…that was the intention!! lolll

    BB1…always great to see you hun. Thanks for the thanksgiving funny.

    i think i may have one or two more up my sleeve, so lets keep the laughs going…i hope.

    { please no one take offense, just a joke!! }

    Three men join in sky diving lessons. A French man, a Italian, and a pollock.{ ?}..
    Its the first day to jump and they are with thier instructor. They all jump out of the plane together, and start thier freefall. The first one to pull his chute chord is the frenchman, and next goes the italian, but the pollock keeps free falling….
    The instructor starts yelling to the pollock to pull his chord, and he responds with ” Not Yet, this is Great!! just a little bit more”…
    So the instructor lets him free fall a little bit more and than starts yelling to him that they are hitting 5000 feet and he needs to pull is chord!!!!….but the pollock, stubbornly says,…Not yet….just a little bit more i promise!

    well the pollock keeps falling and falling and the instructor keeps yelling until it seems all is lost, and they are to close to the ground to pull the chord now….and the Instructor yells, i tried to get you to pull your chord, and now its to late you idiot!!….now the chord will not work!!….and to this the pollock replys//

    THATS OK…I CAN JUMP FROM HERE!!

    LOLLLLLLLLLLL

    #787319
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Great joke Trips. I shared with family and substituted with family members and gave the blunt of the joke on the dog because its truthfully our dog’s style.

    anyway went over great. thank you.

    #787324
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    LOLLLL<
    what a great idea bb….lollll

    just thinking about changing characters in jokes to fit my family makes me piss my pants!!

    lolllllllllllllll

    #787334

    Here’s mine….

    A parrot swallows a V*agra tablet.
    His owner, disgusted, puts him in the freezer to cool off.
    Later when he opens the freezer, he finds the parrot sweating.
    “how come you are sweating?” he asks.

    The parrot replies “Do you know how f*cking hard it is to open the legs of a frozen chicken?”

    #787537

    Maybe we should post 1 joke a day?

    Wife was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband’s key in the door.
    ‘Stay where you are,’ she said. ‘He’s so drunk he won’t even notice you’re in bed with me.’
    Sure enough, the husband got into bed, but a few minutes later, through a drunken haze, he saw six feet sticking out at the end of the bed.
    He turned to his wife: ‘Hey, there are six feet in this bed.
    There should only be four. What’s going on?’

    ‘Nonsense,’ said the wife. ‘You’re so drunk you miscounted.
    Get out of bed and try again. You can see better from over there.’
    The husband climbed out of bed and counted.

    ‘One, two, three, four. You’re right, you know. I am so sorry.

    #787666

    Today’s ->

    A city cop was on his horse waiting to cross the street when
    a little girl stopped beside him on her shiny new bike.
    “Nice bike,” the cop said, “Did Santa bring it to you?”
    “Yep,” the little girl said, “He sure did!”
    The cop looked the bike over and handed the girl a $20 ticket
    for a safety violation, saying, “Next year tell Santa to put a
    reflector light on the back of it.”

    The young girl looked up at the cop and said,
    “Nice horse you got there sir, did Santa bring it to you?”
    “Yes, he sure did,” chuckled the cop.
    The little girl looked up at the cop and said, “Next year tell Santa
    the dick goes underneath the horse, not on top.”

    #787723
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    LOLLLLL…Good one!

    OK, here is my laugh for the day..

    Three Baseball players are walking around the ball park , A Redsox, A Yankee, and A Cardinal…on there walk they come across a body in the bushes..!!..A naked woman is lying there dead, so they call the police and wait for them to arrive. During the mean time, The Cardinal baseball player decideds to take his cap off and use it to cover her face, and says i need to give her some respect….so, the redsox players proceeds to put his cap ontop of her boobs to cover as much as he could and the yankee player covers here vagina with his hat.

    The police show up and walk over to the body with note pads in hand and start taking notes, when one of the officers walks over to the Ballplayers and asks them if those caps are thiers. They say yes they are, and could they get them back when they move the body.

    So the officer takes them over to the body and takes the Cardinal cap off looks under it at her face, takes a note and gives the hat back to the player. Then he proceeds to look under the redsox hat, at the womans boobs, takes a note or two, and then takes the hat off and gives it back to the player.
    Then you goes down to the yankee cap, looks under the cap, stands there for a minute, and looks under the cap again>???? Well the Yankee p layer gets upset and ask the cop if he was some kind of pervert or something, and ask why he keeps looking under the hat , at the womans vagina….When the cop turns around and says ” I had to take a second look, because i was surprised,….usually when i look under a new york yankee hat, i find an asshole!!

    LOLLLLL

    #788320

    The 3 fastest ways of communication in the world are:
    3. Tele-fax
    2. Tele-phone
    1. Tell-a-woman

    Need it faster??
    Ask her not to tell anyone!!!! :roflmao:

    #788370
    vladcizsol
    Member

    Dom surely you have a few Parrot jokes :tongue:

    Whatever became of that picture? I loved that one and the one with the Chimp?

    #789606

    For his birthday Little Matt asked for a 10-speed bicycle.
    His father said, “Son, we’d give you one, but the mortgage on this house is $800,000 and your mother just lost her job. There’s no way we can afford it.’

    The next day the father saw Little Matt heading out the front door with a suitcase. So he asked, ‘Son, where are you going?’ Little Matt told him, ‘I was walking past your room last night and I heard you tell mum you were pulling out. Then I heard her tell you to wait because she was coming too.

    I’ll be damned if I’m staying here by myself with an $800,000 mortgage!

    #789617
    voodooman
    Member

    Barry returned from a doctor’s visit one day and told his wife, Carolyn, that the doctor said he only had 24 hours to live. Wiping away her tears, he asked her to make love with him. Of course she agreed and they made passionate love.

    Six hours later, Barry went to her again, and said, ‘Honey, now I only have 18 hours left to live. Maybe we could make love again?’ Carolyn agreed and again they made love.

    Later, Barry was getting into bed when he realized he now had only eight hours of life left. He touched Carolyn’s shoulder and said, ‘Honey? Please? Just one more time before I die.’ She agreed, then afterward she rolled over and fell asleep.

    Barry, however, heard the clock ticking in his head, and he tossed and turned until he was down to only four more hours. He tapped his wife on the shoulder to wake her up. ‘Honey, I only have four hours left! Could we…?’
    His wife sat up abruptly, turned to him and said, ‘Listen Barry, I’m not being funny …but I have to get up in the morning and you don’t.’

Viewing 14 posts - 1 through 14 (of 14 total)