Tips on teenage daughters (and early 20s)
1.) Boys must be gainfully employed. Verify this by asking them what they do and probe down. If they are bums move to step four immediately.
2) See what kind of vehicle they are driving and ensure its not parents car or borrowed or stolen. If it’s beat to shit move to step four immediately.
3) Show all prospective suitors your gun collection paying careful attention to automatic weapons and large calibre hand guns. If you dont have these go get them it’s part of the dad job. A recent target from shooting practice (man silhouette of course) is a nice plus here too. This step is essential even if they pass muster in steps 1 and 2.
4) Casually ask the boy “Just out of curiosity, if you were to suddenly disapear and no one could find you, do you think anyone would make the connection between that and you seeing my daughter?” Do this in a quiet moment in the evening on the front porch. A good follow up question is “So, how much do you weigh?”
5) Usually they drift off after step 4, but if they dont and are too stupid to get the point, get them alone and tell them you WILL shoot them if they come around anymore.
Does the trick every time.