Nick777 Need to Vent?

That’s what I like about you G: always thinking of others

There is a lot going on in pro sports at the moment. I bet Nick is capping his ass off.

If i put up everything that is wrong with the US, this would be the longest thread in internet history

Let me just start by saying that the US invented Mormonism as a religion, you don’t need to read the rest, that pretty much sums it up, but if you want some more, here ya go…

Cuban Grammy Nominees Barred From Attending Grammy Awards

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/entertainment/3464801.stm

US/Canada Communication

This is a transcript of an actual radio conversation of a US Naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October 1995. The transcipt of the Radio conversation was released by the Chief of Naval operations on the 10th october 1995.

Americans: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision.

Canadians: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the south to avoid collision.

Americans: This is the Captain of a US Navy Ship, I say again, divert your course.

Canadians: Number One, I say again, divert your course.

Americans: This is the aircraft carrier USS Lincoln, the second largest ship in the United States Atlantic fleet. We are accompanied by three destroyers, three cruisers and numerous support vessels. I demand that you change your course 15 degrees noth. Thats on five degrees north, or counter measures will be undertaken to ensure the safety of this ship.

Canadians: This is a lighthouse. Your call

More Great Stuff

Ship’s officers have won suits against oil companies for the right to command vessels despite serious alcoholic problems in the past, and Northwest Airlines rehired a pilot who had flown passengers while drunk

UCLA hospital officials continued to allow a surgeon to operate on patients — 18 of whom he infected — even though they knew he had a serious and highly-transmittable disease. They said they had to “in compliance with federal regulations.”

In what nation can people be rewarded for idiocy

Take the big McDonald’s spilled-coffee lawsuit a few years back. A grandmother from New Mexico ordered a hot coffee from a McDonald’s drive-thru window. In the parking lot, with her grandson behind the wheel of the stationary car, the women opened the lid of her coffee to put cream and sugar in it and it inadvertently spilled onto her lap. The coffee was a scalding 180-190 degrees because customers like their coffee hot. It caused severe third-degree burns to the lower part of the lady’s body.
There is empathy for her pain, but where is her responsibility. It was not McDonald’s fault solely. McDonald’s was found liable and she was awarded $200,000 in compensatory damages. There have since been at least 700 reports of coffee burns

In Connecticut, a woman sued a little league pitcher for hitting her in the face with a baseball. She was sitting in the bleachers and claims that the boy was careless, failed to warn her and threw the ball at a dangerous speed. How hard could a 9-year-old little leaguer actually throw? And watching out for flying balls at a baseball game just makes for common sense. Maybe the woman should have been sued for not paying attention.

Another lawsuit involved a woman from Philadelphia who is suing a pharmacy that sold her a contraceptive jelly. Because she ate the jelly on toast and wound up pregnant

In another example, a man in Virginia has filed a lawsuit against a hospital for not reattaching his hand after he lopped it off, believing it to be possessed by the devil. He claims that the doctors should have known he was mental and that they should have put his hand back on

American Legal System

Questions asked of witnesses during trials in the US

“Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?”
“The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?”
“Were you alone, or by yourself?”
“Were you present when your picture was taken?”
“Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war?”
“Did he kill you?”
“How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?”
“You were there until the time you left, is that true?”
“How many times have you committed suicide?”

Q: “So the date of conception(of the baby), was Aug.8?”
A: “Yes.”
Q: “And what were you doing at that time?”

Q: “She had three children, right?”
A: “Yes.”
Q: “How many were boys?”
A: “None.”
Q: “Were there any girls?”

Q: “You say the stairs went down to the basement?”
A “Yes.”
Q: “And these stairs, did they go up also?”

Q: “Mr. Slatery, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn’t you?”
A: “I went to Europe, sir.”
Q: “And you took your new wife?”

Q: “How was your first marriage terminated?”
A: “By death.”
Q: “And by who’s death was it terminated?”

Q: “Can you describe the individual?”
A: “He was about medium height and had a beard.”
Q: “Was this a male, or a female?”

Q: “Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?”
A: “No, this is how I dress when I go to work.”.

Q: “Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?”
A: “All my autopsies are performed on dead people.”

Q: “All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?”
A: “Oral.”

Q: “Do you recall the time that you examined the body?”
A: “The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.”
Q: “And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?”
A: “No, you dummy, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.”

Q: “You were not shot in the fracas?”
A: “No, I was shot midway between the fracas and the navel.”

Q: “Are you qualified to give a urine sample?”
A: “I have been since early childhood.”

The following is a courtroom exchange between a defense attorney and a farmer with a bodily injury claim. It came from a Houston, Texas insurance agent.
Attorney: “At the scene of the accident, did you tell the constable you had never felt better in your life?” Attorney: “Well, then, how is it that you are now claiming you were seriously injured when my client’s auto hit your wagon?”
“Farmer: “When the constable arrived, he went over to my horse, who had a broken leg, and shot him. Then he went over to Rover, my dog, who was all banged up, and shot him. When he asked me how I felt, I just thought under the circumstances, it was a wise choice of words to say I’ve never felt better in my life.”

American Laws

Connersville, Wisconsin – It’s illegal for a man to shoot a gun when his female partner has an orgasm.

Until 1936, it was illegal for men to wear topless bathing suits in New York.

A small town in Texas recently passed a law forbidding neckties. Persons wearing them will recieve a warning ticket the first time and a fine there after. 6-25-97

Until 1994 it was legal in Arkansas to grab a womans breast on a public street even if you did not know her.

It is legal for women to go topless on New York City subways as long as someone does not complain.

Frankfort, Kentucky, makes it against the law to shoot off a policeman’s tie.

A county in California passed a resolution requiring a farmer to put a up privacy fence because his cows’ udders were to large.

Horses are forbidden to eat fire hydrants in Marshalltown, Iowa.

Idaho state law makes it illegal for a man to give his sweetheart a box of candy weighing less than fifty pounds.

Newcastle, Wyoming – Couples are prohibited from having sex in a butcher’s walk-in freezer.

In Denver it is unlawful to lend your vacuum cleaner to your next-door neighbor.

In Devon, Connecticut, it is unlawful to walk backwards after sunset.

Fairbanks, Alaska – It is illegal for two moose to have sex on the city sidewalks.

In Greene, New York, it is illegal to eat peanuts and walk backwards on the sidewalks when a concert is on.

In Lexington, Kentucky, it’s illegal to carry an ice cream cone in your pocket.

In Memphis, Tennessee, it is illegal for a woman to drive a car unless there is a man either running or walking in front of it waving a red flag to warn approaching motorists and pedestrians.

In Ohio, if you ignore an orator on Decoration day to such an extent as to publicly play croquet or pitch horseshoes within one mile of the speaker’s stand, you can be fined $25.00.

In Pocatello, Idaho, a law passed in 1912 provided that “The carrying of concealed weapons is forbidden, unless same are exhibited to public view.”

In Seattle, Washington, it is illegal to carry a concealed weapon that is over six feet in length.

In Tennessee, it is illegal to shoot any game other than whales from a moving automobile.

In Tulsa, Oklahoma, it is against the law to open a soda bottle without the supervision of a licensed engineer.

It is against the law for a monster to enter the corporate limits of Urbana, Illinois.

It is illegal to drive more than two thousand sheep down Hollywood Boulevard at one time.

It is illegal to say “Oh, Boy” in Jonesboro, Georgia.

It is Texas law that when two trains meet each other at a railroad crossing, each shall come to a full stop, and neither shall proceed until the other has gone.

It’s illegal in Wilbur, Washington, to ride an ugly horse.

Cleveland, Ohio – Women are not allowed to wear patent leather shoes because they might reflect up her dress.

Kansas state law requires pedestrians crossing the highways at night to wear tail lights.

Kirkland, Illinois, law forbids bees to fly over the village or through any of its streets.

Minors in Kansas City, Missouri, are not allowed to purchase cap pistols; they may buy shotguns freely, however.

New Hampshire law forbids you to tap your feet, nod your head, or in any way keep time to the music in a tavern, restaurant, or cafe.

Texas law forbids anyone to have a pair of pliers in his possession.

The Arkansas legislature passed a law that states that the Arkansas River can rise no higher than to the Main Street bridge in Little Rock.

The City of Palo Alto, in its official description of parking lot standards, specifies the grade of wheelchair access ramps in terms of centimeters of rise per foot of run. A compromise…

The state law of Pennsylvania prohibits singing in the bathtub.

There is a Massachusetts law requiring all dogs to have their hind legs tied during the month of April.

Virginia law forbids bathtubs in the house; tubs must be kept in the yard.

It is illegal to take more than 2 baths a month within Boston confines.

It is against the law to fish from horseback in Utah.

In Bexley, Ohio Ordinance number 223, of 09/09/19 prohibits the installation and usage of slot machines in outhouses.

No one may catch fish with his bare hands in Kansas.

Harthahorne, Oklahoma City Ordinance, Section 363, states that it shall be unlawful to put any hypnotized person in a display window.

These excerpts are from the book “Loony Laws” by Robert Pelton

In Ottumwa, Iowa, “It is unlawful for any male person, within the corporate limits of the (city), to wink at any female person with whom he is unaquainted.”

In Los Angeles, you cannot bathe two babies in the same tub at the same time.

Ames, Iowa – A husband is not allowed to take more than three swallows of beer while in bed after having sex.

In Zion, Ill., it is illegal for anyone to give lighted cigars to dogs, cats, and other domesticated animals kept as pets.

In Carmel, N.Y., a man can’t go outside while wearing a jacket and pants that do not match.

In Gary, Ind., persons are prohibited from attending a movie house or other theater and from riding a public streetcar within four hours of eating garlic.

In Miami, it’s illegal for men to be seen publicly in any kind of strapless gown.

In St. Louis, it’s illegal to sit on the curb of any city street and drink beer from a bucket.

In Detroit, couples are banned from making love in an automobile unless the act takes place while the vehicle is parked on the couple’s own property.

In Hartford, Conn., you aren’t allowed to cross a street while walking on your hands.

In Michigan, a woman isn’t allowed to cut her own hair without her husband’s permission.

In Baltimore, it’s illegal to throw bales of hay from a second-story window within the city limits. It’s also illegal to take a lion to the movies.

In Nicholas County, W. Va., no member of the clergy is allowed to tell jokes or humorous stories from the pulpit during a church service.

In California, animals are banned from mating publicly within 1,500 feet of a tavern, school, or place of worship.

Carlsbad, N.M. – It’s legal for couples to have sex in a parked vehicle during lunch break as long as the car has drawn curtains.

In Carrizozo, N.M., it’s forbidden for a female to appear unshaven in public (includes legs and face).

In Los Angeles, a man is legally entitled to beat his wife with a leather belt or strap, but the belt can’t be wider than 2 inches, unless he has his wife’s consent to beat her with a wider strap.

Willodale, Oregon – It’s against the law for a husband to talk dirty during sex.
In Kentucky, “No female shall appear in a bathing suit on any highway within this state unless she be escorted by at least two officers or unless she be armed with a club”
An amendment to the above legislation: “The provisions of this statuate shall not apply to females weighing less than 90 pounds nor exceeding 200 pounds, nor shall it apply to female horses.”

http://www.romankoch.ch/lachhaft/stupidamericans.htm

Oh My God.. It’s been a while since i laughed so much nick777:laughcry:

I find it very funny but if we take a look at reality.. I’m sure many people all over the world think it is wierd that there is a a warning sticker on the new chain saw they just bought that says:
WARNING – Do not try to stop the blade with your intimate body parts.

or a sticker on your new washing machine

WARNING – Washing a pet or a human being may cause injury.

or

Warning – Microwave ovens are not intended to heat domestic pets.

The wierd stickers are there for a good reason.

The absurd reality is that in the US you can actually sue any one for anything and based on previous cases, sometimes the most ridiculuos law suits end up successful.. beats me