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  1. #11
    Senior Member Simmo!'s Avatar
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    Ok ok...not sure I can top those but hey, I'll try.

    Back in Y2K and was doing some web development for one of the top financial institutions in the world. Huge and v. important account for us as a small company. At the time, I had a very good girl friend who just happened to have the same name as the Account Manager at said company.

    So one day, our receptionist calls me up and says "Hiya, I have Helen on the line for you". I was expecting a call from my friend who was heavily pregnant and due at any time.

    So "Heya fat bitch, have you dropped yet?" is probably not a line I'll ever use on the phone again!!

    And in case you wondered, yes we somehow managed to keep the account.
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  3. #12
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    Those are great. !! Thanks for sharing!

    Let's keep them coming everyone! And remember it can be something that happened to you, or a friend, something you saw or heck just tell us a really funny story we're not picky!!
  4. #13
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    Ok here's one of my favorite faux pax moments in my former life as an engineer.

    For ten years I worked for a manufaturer of high tech security devices here in the states. I traveled all over the US, Canada and Western Europe managing large projects and training other engineers and end users on our products.

    We had many Enterprise and governmental clients in the UK and I was heavily involved in supporting our products within that country. During the course of business I often took our clients to lunch or dinner. These guests tended to be high ranking executives or government officials. All care was taken by our staff to present a serious and professional image as we were responsible for the handling and securing of sensitive materials.

    So thats that sort of group I was with one day when we went out for lunch. We chose a very nice Indian restaurant as curries are very popular in the UK and I love Indian food myself. During lunch the waitor non chalantly placed a plate of what appeared to be green beans on the table next to me. I glanced at them and assumed they were indeed french style string beans so I placed a spoonful of them on my plate.

    Lunch progressed and I was chatting it up with the clients when I pick up three or four of these "beans" and threw them in my mouth and began to chew. Turns out they were the hottest peppers I had ever tasted and I was in serious trouble. I didn't want to make a scene or spit them out in front of the clients so I ate them! My lips felt like they were on fire and I was having difficulty even breathing. Sweat was pouring down my face, but through all of this I tried to act like nothing was wrong. I ate bread, I drank water, I ordered a Mango Lassi and nothing seemed to help, the agony continued.

    I would imagine my guests noticed something was wrong, but since they didnt want to embarras me they played it off as nothing unusual was going on. I went to the gents and washed out my mouth and even used soap as I was so desperate for the pain to go. That helped a little. Over time the flames did die down, but I mas terribly embarassed. Thank heavans no one mentioned a thing.

    That's my moment. Embarassing and Painful. Something must be wrong with me as when I look back on it now I find the whole thing humorus in a Monthy Python sort of way.
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  6. #14
    Senior Member Triple777s's Avatar
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    Professor,
    the people at your table probably thought you were "holding in a fart"

    LMAOOOOOOOOO

    Simmo..

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHA

    Good ones guys, made me laugh! lollll

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  7. #15
    Senior Member Triple777s's Avatar
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    ok, i have another one!! lollll
    I am full of these things. lolll

    Back in the day before i was married to me hubby, i had invited him over for a nice night of dinner and movie. So during the day, i was getting everything ready , including myself. So showering and freshening up was on the schedule.

    Well, us ladies like to feel all "fresh" when we think we might be having a night of dinner and sex..lol....so a douche was in order..loll

    Well, i did not have one, and had no time to go to the store to buy one, but the brilliant woman that i am, i figured, hey, i can make my own.....lol

    You can buy vinegar and water ones at the store, and i have water, and i have vinegar in the fridge, so i have all the needed materials,

    so i proceeded to make my own home made douche....lollllll

    well, i knew the minute i was in the shower and used my brilliant contraption, that something was wronggggg....cause it burned like hell!!!!

    so, i suffered through the burn, and it went away, and then it felt all tingly and fresh, so i thought, ok, its over, and i feel fresh. everything is ok...lol

    My future hubby shows up later, and we are sitting on the couch waiting for dinner, when he looks at me and says..."Did you make a salad for dinner"??
    Cause i can smell a salad!

    OMG>>>>

    LOLLL....lollllll..i almost died.!

    Needless to say, i threw together a salad that wasn't planned and spent the rest of the night on the arm chair in the living room !!! lolll...and no, no sex that night.

    lolllllllll
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  9. #16
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    In 1984 I was visiting Amsterdam with two good friends. It was my first visit there. Being totally confused by the huge amount of bars there, we walked around and got lost.

    Finally we came around to visit a nice looking neon bar (remember..it was in the 80´s!), the bar was very crowded but we finally found a counter with three empty bar stools in front of it. Very happy and thirsty we took place.

    We noticed there were a lot of flood lights illuminating us...but hey...it was a neon bar. Nothing unusual. All people in that bar began staring at us...but hey...we were young german guys from a small provincial town and so we were fashioned. Nothing unusual. We waited some time for ordering our beers but no waitress came. People still stared and began to laugh...but hey...it was Amsterdam and maybe they all were stoned. Nothing unusual.

    So it went for maybe 30 minutes and we became really thirsty.
    Being totally despaired now, my friend shouted out: “What have we to do to get a friggin beer here???”

    Answer came promt: “ You have to leave the stage so that we are able to start playing theater there!”

    Ooooooops...
    Last edited by Vegasguy; 04-29-2008 at 08:59 AM. Reason: terrible english grammar
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  11. #17
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    Not an entry but it fit the theme of this thread....

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  13. #18
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    There are 10 more days left to get your stories in!! Post here something that will make us laugh and you will be entered into the poll for CAP users to decide the winner!!!
  14. #19
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    Time is running out!! Let's get a few more stories in this contest
  15. #20
    Senior Member Simmo!'s Avatar
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    OK one more from me

    You know like when you are young and you get your first soft-top motor, you kit it out with like 200watts of sub-bass and you think you're cool right? When you get to about 35 you realise that all those admiring looks were actually sign-language for "what a w*nk*r".

    Well anyway, I had one of them motors, and one sunny day me and a mate don the shades, drop the roof and decide to cruise through town to the accompaniement of (then) current chart topper "Gimme All Your Lovin'" by ZZ Top, pumped up to 11 on the amp (Pioneer - quality - in fact it was too powerful for car speakers at the time so I had two fuull size hi-fi speakers behind the seats!).

    So we're driving through the center of town and everyone's looking at these two cool dudes in their cool car with the super-cool music and we're like looking at each other thinking (cos the music was too loud to actually say it) "hey - is this a babe magnet or what?".

    ZZ Top's anthem comes to an end as we're sitting at traffic lights next to the dead-busy shopping precinct. Which was just about the same point we realised the exhaust had fallen off.
    Last edited by Simmo!; 05-14-2008 at 07:54 PM.
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